就让我继续待在你身边。陪你度过难关，等你痊愈。不要放弃。你已经很棒了

卸开外在的冷漠，把我仅剩的热情都给予你 因为我认为也许你需要我这份热情。
也希望有哪一天，你能过放下过去 和接受我这份热情。

You see when you have an over-assertive partner , you will get these all the times. Argue, argue and argue.

Because they will not back down and being forceful on their very opinion . Never did listen to people's opinion with so called perfectionist syndrome . It is very hard to handle this kind of people because no matter what you do, it is always their win.

Tolerance balance between each other will eventually break, ended up one sided balance. It means that one side will have to bow down to this so called "Assertive" partner, which is basically me right now. Being buried down as if nobody is going to see me.

Despite all these, it is because I love her, I will be improving more and more to enhance our relationship for long run . Nothing is perfect. It's all up to us on how to make this relationship close to perfection.

I've started a new life .
Everything back from scratch . I wanted to fulfill the dream that I once abandoned .
So I got enrolled with TARUC . Yes , everything back to zero . Not my age though . I felt so old . But somehow , I am self consciously trying to hide my age from everyone.

Put this aside, so I'm trying to catch up to things right now . Few years gap has taken its toll on me . I have lost too much precious and loved one as well as the time . Therefore , I'll cherish this moment. No fooling around anymore . It's about serious. Not young anymore as well as my dad .
A wish that both my parent want to see is their son/daughter to be graduated from University. One of the reason why we moved to KL . Also one of the reason why I wanted to study back . I will take the certificate and show them that your SON can actually study . I want to make them proud . Yes , mum , you too . Though you are not here anymore . I believe you would be proud if I can achieve that . Don't worry , it's only the matter of time .

Few hours ago , I just witnessed an accident happened just right in front of me while I'm riding bike .
A car collided with a middle aged woman on bike . The driver went away just like that . Pity the woman who was injured badly .

Witnessing the incident .. It's just too similar with my mum's one .
If only  I was there for my mum .
If only I could save her as soon as possible , maybe the outcome won't be like these .
But everything had passed , therefore at least I should help out the poor woman in front of me .

Brought her to clinic , helped her pay the fees . And brought back her bike back to her house . That's as much I could help only . This society is already getting worse and it took away mum's life .

If only she's still here . . .

Yes , it's one whole year . Sadly , I still could not accept the fact you've left us . Mum , each time I'm writing a new post, it means I miss you so much , so much that even my heart could not handle it .

It seems like my life is lifeless .It's like I had no aim at all . Maybe ..
So , I guess I might go one more time to Singapore to get a job there . Malaysia value is dropping . Therefore , I think it's an opportunity to earn more money while I still got the energy .

Love? Let's not think about it for now . I might end up hurting someone else again . I'm not ready .
I don't usually complain..Perhaps this is the place where I will open up myself .

Time really don't wait us . Without realizing , it's been half year since you left us . We never mentioned about you anymore . But we all know, you never gonna disappear in our heart . Because you once treated us with your heart .

But Mum , I need to say sorry to you . That I couldn't keep my promise to you . That I will take care of brother and sisters.

I don't know what's going on the Yoke Wah's life right now in Singapore . But I have no problem with her as she has the capability to work independently at other country . Perhaps she got her own problems but I believe she can solves it herself . Besides she still got boyfriend and friends there . So no worry about her .

Lil bro is the most problematic right now . I don't know how to guide him to a better future . Instead , I should say I don't have the qualification to guide him since I never took care of him in the past .... After all these happened , I really realized that I'm a fucking selfish person that only care about myself. Relying on you to take care all of us . Now that you're gone , I wish I could stand in your place to teach and guide him . But I know he won't accepts that .  He's on his own now .. I know he needs someone to understand him , despite that , he's being contradicting himself by closing himself not letting someone to open up his heart.
All I can do right now is only giving him advises so that he can at least learn few of the advises .

Youngest sis is doing good too . But sometimes , I hopes that I could get closer to any of them especially this sis . Such as , asking opinions from me about her studies , friends or maybe love life? Haha . But nope , none of that will happen since I never concern about them in the past . I don't know whether it will be too late to take action now .

I'm a very passive brother . I don't take action to find them despite knowing I'm the eldest brother , I should do all these stuffs . Therefore , I did called them sometimes asking about how they're doing . Told them to ask me if they don't have enough money . There's the only things I could do as their brother . I could not step any further to their hurt . It's very disappointing when I thought of that . Such a failure brother I can be . Such broken family we had right now . The bond were broken ever since you left us . You're the only one that I have ever relied to . Maybe because of that , I've relied too much on you . I take that as granted . I'm truly sorry , Mum . I'm truly sorry that I could not keep our promise ...Even until the end , I still could not ...

Looking up at the blue vast sky , I had a lot thoughts and feelings onto it .
Sometimes , you felt relaxed looking at it . And sometimes felt sad .
No particular reasons . I just felt that way .

It's been 3 months since mum had left us . Everything just seems so fake to me . But I'm gradually accepting the fact she had really left us .Although I still miss her so much . I would think of her till I'm being scolded by my colleague for not doing my job . The more I think , the more complicated is my feeling .

The other day , my uncle brought grandparents to "问米" . Some kind of summoning ceremony . So ,uncle called me and told me that my mum really missed us .She was sorry for leaving us . And couldn't let us go . Tears started to fall over. I couldn't replied my uncle for awhile . Then uncle continued to tell me that she really died in vain . And not merely by accident. She cannot tell the truth . But she said she deserved it of what had she done in the past . It maybe fake but I chose to believe it because it may be the last message from her . I love you , Mum . If I'm given opportunity , allow me to be your good son again in next life. NO , I must be your son once again .

What will happen tomorrow?
No one knows . But that makes our life interesting , not knowing what will happen every secs , every minutes . We are trying hard to make our life much better but things don't go the way we want usually  . Obstacles all the way in your life . 

Forced myself to wake up at 7 a.m  because I gotta fetch my little sister to my aunt's house . She's currently helping my aunt to work during summer break . Good things that she's learning something  .
So yea , we grabbed the bike and then moved out from the house at 7.30 a.m . Was very cold early in the morning . Is that what mum's been thinking to herself while fetching my sister like what I did now ? I gradually starting thinking in my mum's place . Not easy . Just not easy ...

Finally "delivered" my sister to the place safely haha xD . Watched her went in then only leave . Then I looked at my phone . It's just 8 a.m . So I decided to pay mum a visit . Grabbed few fruits to visit her .
But unfortunately , I have to stop under the bridge due to the heavy rain . But that's not gonna stop me from visiting mum .  So I waited like 15 minutes and the rain still did not stop , I couldn't wait so I wore on the raincoat and went to mum's place . It is a temple . I thought the place would be a good place for mum . Peaceful and beautiful at the same time .

Went there and had a small talk with mum . Told her how good our lives are . That we can live independently . So don't worry . But I still can't stop my tears from falling down . The fact of you leaving this world was too cruel for me . I wished it's just a dream . If it is a dream , please wake me up , mum ...But that's not gonna happen . . . Everyone told me to let go already . But I told them , how could I let go my mum ? It's impossible ..

Then I continued my daily routine back , that is Work , Home , Internet , Sleep ....That's all for today .

Only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live . You never cherish for what you've got until you lost them .  Appreciate the things you have now . Be grateful .

Just came here to write out things that I won't really talked out with anyone . Being unable to talk out with friends, I can only spit it out here . A place where not really much people will pay attention at it , which makes me more comfortable to tell out everything that have happened .

My dearest mum just passed away 2 months ago . I wouldn't tell detailed story about her . Just gonna say, it's related to the last posts that I've posted here . Ever since mum left, my burden increased . I won't complain as that's how my mum been bearing all these years . Being the eldest , means being responsible to take care of the family . My siblings are still young so I need to guide them to a better road . Being eldest , also understand mum the most , of how she worked hard to take care of us all no matter how hard for a single mum can do .  Simply said , mum was too naive and kind . Mistrusted someone which caused the death of my mum .

2 months have passed . The incidents still remain vividly in my memory . I just can't imagine how hard and suffering my mum had bore for all these years . Never being able to enjoy her life , not being able to see all her sons and daughters graduate ,  work  , and married . The most regretful thing is that I will never ever have the opportunity to let me take care of her back . Mum . Thanks for taking care of me . You always thought of us no matter what you've done . I love you .

Not long ago , "A" asked me why I love to ask people cry . I am the first person who ever said that to "A" .
Actually no reason .
It's just , from my point of view , cry is part of our body emotions . We don't have to hide it . We don't have to act strong all the time .

Cry means we had been strong for long . There must be a time where we will fall apart . But do not feel embarassed or scared being laughed . No one would do that . Because true friends will be there for us .

Cry means being ourselves . Because I felt if just hiding your own emotions . Never cry when you should . It's like not even being ourselves anymore . Most of you all think , cry is the sign of weak . I won't deny that , but we won't be strong forever .

Remember "B" ?(If you read my blog)
When I told you to cry when you should . You started to cry .
Ever since then you blamed me for changing you . But I don't see the wrong with it because you are becoming yourself =) .
If that makes me wrong then blame me for making you becoming yourself . I would love to do that .
I know a lot of people won't agree to my opinion .
That's just my point of view . I feel Cry when you should , is when you starting to become stronger .
Stand up from where you fall down .
Never give up .

But I certainly won't agree crying over small cases lah !!!!

-哭是因为逞强了很久-

What's wrong with me ?
Suddenly so active in blogging haha .

So as I posted yesterday . Today going for Karaoke Session with one of my friend , Supposed to have another one , but he last minute FFK . F**k Him =P

Don't mind don't mind . And so , my friend and I went by taxi  early in the morning . Really sleepy haha but excited for karaoke session .. TOO LONG NO SING LAAAA !!!

I don't like to go with a lot of people because won't have any chance to grab the mic ! haha .. and sometimes they will pick songs that you don't even know what the hell was that?
Used to hate karaoke session very much , because everytime I went also got a lot of people . So I ended up sleep there  Used money just to sleep .

But ever since I went alone ( Due to some reasons )  . I started to love sing K . Felt like you can release your stress , your emotions all in once out . Then slowly friends told me that I actually sing quite good  and therefore I started to love singing and practice more . Although I don't talent for that , but it's fun ...I enjoy that moments .  No matter how bad mood are you , after that you'll feel like the burden on your shoulders is already lighten .

Karaoke Session Rocks =)

-男人喜欢呆在KTV，唱着青春随风远去的回忆-

What's wrong with me ?
Suddenly so active in blogging haha .

So as I posted yesterday . Today going for Karaoke Session with one of my friend , Supposed to have another one , but he last minute FFK . F**k Him =P

Don't mind don't mind . And so , my friend and I went by taxi  early in the morning . Really sleepy haha but excited for karaoke session .. TOO LONG NO SING LAAAA !!!

I don't like to go with a lot of people because won't have any chance to grab the mic ! haha .. and sometimes they will pick songs that you don't even know what the hell was that?
Used to hate karaoke session very much , because everytime I went also got a lot of people . So I ended up sleep there  Used money just to sleep .

But ever since I went alone ( Due to some reasons )  . I started to love sing K . Felt like you can release your stress , your emotions all in once out . Then slowly friends told me that I actually sing quite good  and therefore I started to love singing and practice more . Although I don't talent for that , but it's fun ...I enjoy that moments .  No matter how bad mood are you , after that you'll feel like the burden on your shoulders is already lighten .

Karaoke Session Rocks =)

-男人喜欢呆KTV，唱着青春随风远去的回忆-

Just few days ago , I just went to ask for gym inquiry .. After went through few gymS , I finally found a gym nearby my living place plus cheap . NOTES: Is super cheap !
If Leisure Mall Fitness First is RM210 per month , then this gym MUSCLE UP is 3 times cheaper ... Only need to pay Rm70 per month . So I looked around the gym, although it's quite small and narrow but the equipments are definitely complete I guess o.o ( since I not yet do Gym yet)

When I first entered that gym , I was shocked for awhile . Because you can only see muscular people inside . Totally can't even see thin or some slim zombies inside. Seems I'm the only one who look weird in the gym at the time ( One of the zombie XD ) .  Haha . Too awkward !
I believe I will join them soon . So I asked for the fees and membership . Reach my satisfactory and my budget so will be going apply this Sunday and started do it !! Huat Ah !!

Let's improve my life thoroughly =)


By the way , let me introduce a song for you all . I think it's pretty simple and relaxing. Actually it's addicting for me. I listened to it for whole day already . Oh my god.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJS9IgWd0nk

Going for Karaoke Session tomorrow . Been a long time since the last time I went . Can't wait to sing out loud till sore throat . Hoho . So tonight gonna go sleep early . I wonder if my friends can wake up early tomorrow . Lol =.=

Decided to have healthy lifestyle from now on. Not gonna have some lifeless schedule such as going for cc for whole day anymore .
Need to improve , Improve and IMPROVE . That's only thing I could say to me . Wasted too much time in my life . quite pathetic .

Wanted to study back but this opportunity already slipped away from me forever . Let's just focus on the career =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJS9IgWd0nk 
zswasd

Wow wow wow ..
Again very long time to renew my old dusty blog .
Seriously, I'm too lazy to update it . In fact , I got no time to renew it hehe (maybe??)

So I have been okay for these few months . Get into a job as Technical Junior Support . Not exactly my type , but well , you gotta live on  if you don't like too .
But trust me ,  I'm doing okay =)

Been eating too much these days , I even have belly o.o . WOW . They still call me thin . WTH!
Oh well , will gonna let them suprised as me and my friend gonna go for Gym .
Have no idea why suddenly wanna go for Gym . It just that the passion suddenly come to me. I'm gonna make sure it's not gonna leave me easily . For the sake of my hot body !!!(In future )
I believe it won't takes long to shape up my body heh.  Can't wait for it ...

I have been trying to improve myself all the time . And now here's my opportunity , I won't give up easily .
People say , We improve is to impress someone . Somehow I disagree with that saying . I felt that , we improve is to treat ourselves better . That should be more accurate isn't it ?

I had list out my wishlist . So sad that , I couldn't even achieve one of the list . Pathetic .
Gonna work harder . Hmmph!!! My dream !

I felt like I keep talking gibberish here . Doesn't make sense at all ...Aiks -0-

Ya !  It was Genting Trip again ! But this time was with National Service friends .
For about 22 people participated for the gathering . Haha posted late again .. Too lazy to write lo -0-
I summarized it la har~ So I brought like 9 cups of Maggie Cups !! Everyone said I'm crazy .(YA , so what? ) Because I ain't gonna eat at Genting!
But then , when it's time for eat, everyone were begging me for the cups because they never brought lol .

And so we reached at around 10.30 am ! Put our luggages and we started to play at outdoor! They took a lot of pictures . As I said I won't take pictures ..So I think they kinda fucked up with me , when I rejected to take picture with them lol .Even got also will be like this !

I'm the one who looked at the ground . haha .But it's pretty memorable la .


It's about time to back, everyone gone crazy with the cams ! I were forced to take some pictures too ...And so, it's the end of our gathering . I do hope there will be next time for gathering like this (though I might not be able to join anymore)
But i hope I won't lose contact with them =)


  

Oh Noooo ...
I'm starting to get addicted blogging >.<
That's because I learned to write diary during National Service everyday ...
So for this 3 months , I'm starting to get used write my daily stuffs...
So including now also , No Diary .. Then BLOG luh .  *Faint*
I guess there's a good thing after all .

I'm got used to Morning exercise during NS .. So even I'm back .. I just felt so itchy and I asked my buddies to join with me .. At first I planned to jog in the morning but they said wanted to play basketball and I thought that was pretty good idea too . And so , we played at 7 a.m . Haha . Then stopped at 9 a.m .

And then , I went to cyber cafe to surf internet , and I met Calvin . Out of sudden , he asked me to find people who are unemployed or interested to do sales about Unifi . Actually it's not only Unifi as their products .. Just that it's their first product to work with . I guessed I might try to help him by promote in Facebook and try my luck lo . Heh . (I might perhaps try to work part time )

Guess what we did during 'working'? Haha , I wasn't working but I'm following him . We started at 1 p.m and ended at 3 p.m .. Haha!! It's that even called as working? lol . Because he is short of people to open a booth for the sales . So we're just wonder around and try to ask some shops whether they got Unifi already or not ..

Then we passed by Leisure Mall and went in ...And then we went and watched Transformer 3 : Dark Of The Moon



I know I know .. So freaking late only watched . But I got no choice since I just back from National Service .. haha xD .
Comments for the Movie : Excellent .. Epic !!

And thus that's the end of my day for today . X)
Teeheee !

Woot , really damn long since the last time I posted my stuffs ..
Well , many events happened .
I browsed through my blog thoroughly ..
Well there's many events I've written . Some I even forgotten .. I found it funny , most of posts that I posted were so sad .. That's so how pitiful am I towards my Life ... Kinda funny to the younger Me ..Haha . But dude!! People changes times from times .. So do I ! X)

Let's just say about National Service ba?
Yeah , I just finished my National Service ...Heh , I learned lots at there ..
Can't believe that I rejected so much about National Service at first .
Too much memories inside that I can't even describe all at here .
I'll just make it briefly ...

Kinda lazy to write . Haha . Because heart is kinda pain when I think back about it . Because we don't have to worry much inside there . Everything was arranged very well for us . All we have to do is to give our commitments to them .
I met a lot of friends there.  We met each other 24 hours .. We became very close to each other so quickly . Play together ,Joke together , Laugh together, Cry together.. Too much memories .. Thanks to you all . Y'all make my life colorful . I won't ever forget those moments .At least I'm not lonely at the moment .

During the day we apart , everyone cried too much . But I hold myself .. Instead of cry , I thought I should give my gratitute to them by showing my Cheerful smile to them .. While waving hands to them , my heart just felt so pain ... But we still need to move on to our life .. There will be time that we will meet again .
Let us move on to pursue our own dreams. I got my very own dream . I'll take these memories as my Will to continue of pursuing Dream. Once again , I would love to give my millions of Thanks to All of you .. It really might sounds weird , but I love you guys =) . All the best too all of you . Tehee !!!