The Streamroller Of Life.

Today is 4th of October .
6 more days to go for Xu's birthday .
And I still can't get her the Doraemon .
Doraemon is easy to find.
But the problem is , She don't want the cotton type .
I already hunt for this doraemon for few weeks already and get no result of it .
I felt like I'm really useless , just a small thing . And I cant find it .Haizz .
I can't give her big prize or any meaningful gift .
Just a small gift I also cant get for her . I will feel regret if I can't get for her .

But recently , I felt negleted . I felt so lonely .
She doesn't sms much with me . If it's about work and she ignored me , I wouldn't mind .
But she said she is busy chatting . May I know , is chatting really need so much attention until you can't stop for awhile and reply ? I don't understand .
Everytime I msg her 3 times , she only reply 1 time . Ok , maybe I'm too selfish , only care for myself . Never think for her side . Until I am scolded by her , that I'm troublesome .
This word really hurts me . And that awake me at the same time .
I should not be too selfish .

So since that day , I try not to msg her much . Everytime Im trying to do like that , my heart ache one time . Sometimes , I will try online without her attention using MSN to check whether she still online or not since she didn't reply me so I assume her sleep already . But everytime I saw her still on , I felt like ....I dont know how to describe . I really wanna ask her " WHY YOU DIDNT REPLY ME, DONT TELL ME YOU ARE BUSY CHATTING AGAIN " But I just don't dare to say that , I really scared we will argue if I said that words .

I remembered I got say we play XDO together right. So sometimes , when I saw she off .
I will play XDO , and play the same song and repeat and repeat again .
The song called Because You Live . My tears come out when I play this song again and again .
It makes me recall back the sweet memories between me and Xu . But recently she just cold towards me . I really scared she is getting bored with me . Everytime I play that song , My mood will down . i really scared she dont want me already . I got thousands thousands of intention to call her . But everytime I wanna call , I will think first . Is she playing game? Is she busy chatting? Is she busy working also? This makes me cancel my intention . I don't wanna let her thought that I am disturbing her . Even sms also can't reply , if call then how? You can imagine .

It seems like It's a little bit off topic . Ah , well , I get an address from my friends said that there's a toy shop there might be selling the doraemon that I want . So , I will be going soon to find that . Im giving me a big hope for that . Just wish I'm going to get the doll .