Few hours ago , I just witnessed an accident happened just right in front of me while I'm riding bike .
A car collided with a middle aged woman on bike . The driver went away just like that . Pity the woman who was injured badly .
Witnessing the incident .. It's just too similar with my mum's one .
If only I was there for my mum .
If only I could save her as soon as possible , maybe the outcome won't be like these .
But everything had passed , therefore at least I should help out the poor woman in front of me .
Brought her to clinic , helped her pay the fees . And brought back her bike back to her house . That's as much I could help only . This society is already getting worse and it took away mum's life .
If only she's still here . . .
Yes , it's one whole year . Sadly , I still could not accept the fact you've left us . Mum , each time I'm writing a new post, it means I miss you so much , so much that even my heart could not handle it .
It seems like my life is lifeless .It's like I had no aim at all . Maybe ..
So , I guess I might go one more time to Singapore to get a job there . Malaysia value is dropping . Therefore , I think it's an opportunity to earn more money while I still got the energy .
Love? Let's not think about it for now . I might end up hurting someone else again . I'm not ready .
I don't usually complain..Perhaps this is the place where I will open up myself .
Time really don't wait us . Without realizing , it's been half year since you left us . We never mentioned about you anymore . But we all know, you never gonna disappear in our heart . Because you once treated us with your heart .
But Mum , I need to say sorry to you . That I couldn't keep my promise to you . That I will take care of brother and sisters.
I don't know what's going on the Yoke Wah's life right now in Singapore . But I have no problem with her as she has the capability to work independently at other country . Perhaps she got her own problems but I believe she can solves it herself . Besides she still got boyfriend and friends there . So no worry about her .
Lil bro is the most problematic right now . I don't know how to guide him to a better future . Instead , I should say I don't have the qualification to guide him since I never took care of him in the past .... After all these happened , I really realized that I'm a fucking selfish person that only care about myself. Relying on you to take care all of us . Now that you're gone , I wish I could stand in your place to teach and guide him . But I know he won't accepts that . He's on his own now .. I know he needs someone to understand him , despite that , he's being contradicting himself by closing himself not letting someone to open up his heart.
All I can do right now is only giving him advises so that he can at least learn few of the advises .
Youngest sis is doing good too . But sometimes , I hopes that I could get closer to any of them especially this sis . Such as , asking opinions from me about her studies , friends or maybe love life? Haha . But nope , none of that will happen since I never concern about them in the past . I don't know whether it will be too late to take action now .
I'm a very passive brother . I don't take action to find them despite knowing I'm the eldest brother , I should do all these stuffs . Therefore , I did called them sometimes asking about how they're doing . Told them to ask me if they don't have enough money . There's the only things I could do as their brother . I could not step any further to their hurt . It's very disappointing when I thought of that . Such a failure brother I can be . Such broken family we had right now . The bond were broken ever since you left us . You're the only one that I have ever relied to . Maybe because of that , I've relied too much on you . I take that as granted . I'm truly sorry , Mum . I'm truly sorry that I could not keep our promise ...Even until the end , I still could not ...
